• Monday, January 29, 2007

    fuck.. i pulled a vein or muscle in my crotch..... im walking all weird now... i cant run... i cant walk fast...
    damn pharmacist didnt wanna sell me muscle relaxers... i havta drag myself to the clinic first thing in the morning....

    just great..!

    Thursday, January 25, 2007

    im motherfucking tired...
    the weekend had been hectic... tons of fuckin' pressure to meet sales targets and shits... meeting early monday morning.... got held up at the mrt station on the way to work... was stopped for a security check.. cause i was carrying a hiking bag... that made me 10 mins late to work... something i really didnt need...
    i was heading back home after work that night.. home = malaysia = ipoh... fucking gave up hope on catching the bus... no fuckin' cabs wanted to stop... fuckin' stressed... did manage to hail a cab, fantastic guy broke the speed limit all the way...

    spent two days at home.. was good to be home.. i somehow fell ill... inflamed throat and a bloody nose.. doc said the heat was getting to me.. got some antibiotics and shit.. 2 days went by bloody fast... i was looking forward to eating everything ipoh had to offer... wasnt successful... did get my favourite north indian food though... took may out of rest... washed her up and drove her round... she started with just one turn of the key... thats why i really love that car... she's tough as hell! she still drives as sweet as ever... and that flat 4 never sounded better... :)

    reached singapore at 7 this morning... later than expected... there was a bloody accident just before kl... held us up for over an hour... singapore greeted me with the rain... thank you! got a couple hours of sleep.. headed straight to work... was so looking forward to leaving at 2.30 but my training manager suddenly showed up ended up having to entertain him... reached home bout 5pm....

    2 hour prison break special goin on now... still pondering whether to take a walk and get something to eat.... another sales meeting early tomorrow morning... gotta hit the sack early... tomorrow's gonna be a major ass kicking meeting.. everyones sales hasnt been good... sell thru's been shitty... so yea im predicting a one to one meeting with the director...

    Was hangin out at IndoChine the other day... was pleasently surprised at their house band.. those buggers are really good...!

    so yea y'all take care now... cheers!

    Monday, January 15, 2007

    on his hit "moviefilm", sex moves and murder.....

    What is the best thing you've bought with your newfound millions?
    With the wage from my movie, which was 12 million Tenge. I bought a new cage for my brother, Bilo. he is a retard with small head and over 200 teeth, 160 in mouth, 40 in nose. He is sex crazy all day long in his cage he rub, rub, rub!

    Is is true that since you've made Kazakhstan famous, women are now allowed to ride on buses and homosexuals no longer have to wear blue hats?
    Yes, and also the age of consent has been raised to 11. The fine for killing a wife have gone up to 800 Tenge and we now has democracy, although in Kazakh elections, winner not man with most votes, but the candidate who can suspend the heaviest weight from his testes satchel. Our present leader can suspend a car battery for almost 8 seconds! Our capital Almaty now also has thriving community of black peoples. Their make up so good, they look almost exact like genuine Africans.

    You say that Women should not have the right to vote. Why so?
    It would be very dangerous to allow this. Everyone know the story of Ludmilla Buletnambayev, the women who read a book. Her brain overheat and she go crazy and kill her husband and childrens. We say in Kazakhstan that to give womans vote is like to give monkeys guns. We do not do this since 2003 Astana Zoo massacre.

    Would you like your sons to follow your career path into the media?
    Yes, my 11 year old son Hueylewis is already an actor in the Kazakh version of Teletubbies. He have not do this long and still get nervous when he performs, particularly during the sex scenes. I do not know why, he have a magnificent charm – circumference 12 cm and should be proud to show it to the other childrens.

    Your first wife was tragically shot by a huntsman who thought she was a bear. Tell us about this dark period...
    I was getting a mouth party from a prostitute when I get a message from my neighbor Nursultan Tulyakbay, that he had shot a very large bear. I immediately leave my sister and return home, where I was very angry to find out he had shoot my wife. This made me in a temper, because I was look forward to eat bear meat that night.

    Did you avenge her death?
    No, we are civilized peoples and these matters is dealt with by the courts. They found him guilty. Which meant he had to pay me the maximum compensation of half box of assorted chocolates.

    Have you sought therapy to move on from this tragedy?
    It was not tragedy, the chocolates was a very delicious.

    Why is there no Kazakhstani FHM?
    I not know as it would do good here.

    If you were editor of FHM Kazakhstan, who would you put on the cover?
    Lily Utmarkan – she is the ex-olympic journalist who now work in Kazakh State Circus. It would be of her most famous pose, where she put one foot in mouth, and other deep in vagine.

    What is your best sex move?
    My favorite is “doggy style”, when the man stand up naked from behind and the dog stand in front of him.

    You’ve been widely accused of anti-Semitism, what do you make of these accusations of racism?
    Yes, is true. Thank you. High five.

    Any regrets about your song Throw The Jew Down The Well?
    Yes, I am very unhappy with the quality of the guitar playing.

    Tell us three facts nobody else knows about the Borat movie.
    This movie already been released in Kazakhstan and was blockbustering! It open on all seven of our screens and take top spot from Hollywood movie King Kong – which had been number one film in Kazakhstan ever since it was released in 1934. also Kazakhstan tv was closed down for 8 months during filming, since we had priorities to use our country’s camera. Last, the film prove very controversial in my country because of amount of anti-semitism it contain. Eventually Kazakh censor decide there was just enough and allow its release.

    Have ypu [re[ared your Oscar speech yet?
    It depends what it is for. If I receivings Oscar for Best Physical Strength, I will be use the same speech I make when Premier Nazarbayez give me trophy for suspendings a car battery from my testes longer than any other man in my village. But if I receive Oscar for Best Anti-Jew Warrior, I will be ask Mel Gibsons to accept on my behalfs.

    Why do you hate Uzbekistan so much?
    They is a very nosey peoples who has a bone in the middle of their heads.

    You lime green swimsuit caused much joy in the FHM office. Where can we get one?
    This bathesuits was official custome of 2004 Kazakh Olympic Swimmings Team. It can be made purchase in new Kazakh supermall. “Almaty Shopcity” in either of the two stores there.

    How do you stop an outfit like that simply disappearing inside of you?
    Normal it fine because my anoos is tight – it fourth tightest in my village and can remove lid of Pepsi Max bottle. But one time I eat 43 packet of beef jerkies in one hour and next day when I wear costume I have problem since my anoos was hang loose like mouth of tired dog.

    Who has been the angriest Kazakh you’ve ever come across?
    I think it was me after a particularly bad Gypsy attack. They steel my wife’s plough and touch my horse in a bad way. He was depressed for months after.

    How long does it take to grow your moustache?
    As a child I was teased a lot about my moustache as it did not appear until I was nine year old – people thought it would never arrive! It still grow very slow and if I cut it off first thing of day, it take all morning for it to come back. Fastest in my village was my first wife – if she shave her face, by the time she had finish, it would have grow back in the place she started. She now dead. I did not kill her.

    Which other celebrity lip ticklers do you most admire – Ned Flanders, Tom Selleck or Joseph Stalin?
    I very much admires moustache of ladies’ man, Freddie Mercury. People say I very much resembles him – in fact in Almaty’s annual “Who Look Most Like Freddie Mercury” competition this year, I come number four out of 250,000 entrants!

    Is it true you were once engaged to a goat?
    No, we was just good friends.

    Have you accidentally murdered anyone?
    Yes, of course.

    There are many rumors circulating on the internet suggesting you might be a bisexual. Would you ever have sex with a man?
    I would never have sexytime with a man who is also a homosexual. Recently I watch a moviefilm name Brokeback Mountains in cinema. One day later, my friend Viktor Hotelier inform me that this film was about homosexuals. Knowing this fact, the scene where one of the cowboys makes romance in the other’s anoos took on whole new meaning to me.

    Would you wax your scrotum if a lady asked you to?
    First, I would not do anything a lady asked me to do. Second, only time in Kazakhstan people remove hair from pubis is for infestation of kratzouli or for use to make wool and knit gloves.

    Finally, what is your most expensive ever purchase?
    My first wife. She cost 15 litre of insecticide and was not worth even half of that. I did not kill her.

    Interview by Tom Cullen - courtesy of FHM

    Currently Listening To : Steel Magnolia - Cypress Hill
    Currently Feeling: happy (free wifi at home) :)

    Ob la di ob la di ......
    the one bout evil rain....
    and german flat four's

    i just dont get the bloody weather down here.... i dont know how it can fucking rain so much... it has been raining for days practically non stop.... the day started out good.. bright and shiny... so i decided to wash my bed linens, right after that it started to fucking rain... it rains.. it stops... then it fuckin rains again... like mother nature enjoys playing sick jokes with us... im so fucking pissed with this weather.. im seriosuly at that breaking point.. i just wanna go out stand in the rain and swing a bat at the rain, knowing real well that my efforts will be in vain... was supposed to meet up with some indonesian friends... changed my mind bout goin out... a)hate getting wet.. b) i feel like sleeping.. c) cant really take a bath cause i've got nothin to dry myself with...my towel's in the wash..i've only one bloody towel!.. was planning to go out check out some shoes and sandals and grab a towel as well... d) realised siva will be home in the evening.. its a monday = 99cent' for 10 chicken wings at Hooters!

    busy week starting from tomorrow... gotta prepare for my stock take...then its sleep depravation back to back... stock take.. stock audit.. sales meeting... phew! i dont even wanna play the scenario in my head.... im just gonna go with it...

    checked out california fitness... that place is da shiznit... the dude was offering me a platinum membership... which entitles me to use any of their 4 clubs here and all their other clubs worldwide... etc etc... for a very fantastic price... i so nearly gave him my mastercard and signed myself up.... but what held me back was my work schedule... sales hasnt been that good... bout 40 - 50% slower compared to last month... i was worried some of our priviledges might be frozen... especially the increase in operational hours and pull back of half days.... but so far its been ok.. nothing drastic so far... still get my half days... so yea might just call up the dude... and persuade him to offer me the same price again... i seriously cant wait to start working out again...

    walking back home the other day... to my surprise i spotted a classic Porsche in my apartment complex.... i was like a lil fat kid jumping bout after gettin a handful of candy..!

    On the way to work the other day.... i heard this familar sound.... that sweet sound all flat 4's make..! i turned around and noticed this... (look below).... fuck... i nearly started crying.. it was like fallin' in love all over again....

    Classic 60's beetle.... beautifully restored... canvas ragtop... low backs... euro bumpers.. and 911 fusch wheels...! Is' you feelin me, man....? I REALLY MISS MAY.....!!

    Currently Listening To: Rub Pa Gun Kwam Mun - Too Phat feat. Joey Boy
    Currently Feeling: perplexed (with the rain)