• Tuesday, September 12, 2006

    The Weekend in
    Hat Yai Thailand

    a'ight.. so yea we got back on sunday... the journey..both ways.. wasnt bad.. seriously.. 7 hours went by pretty quickly.. this coming from me.. the person who hates bus journeys to the max.. so you know its for real when i say it wasnt bad... the journey to Thailand was better though.. kept falling asleep.. and getting up every hour or so to discover we're in a different state.. the journey back was alright as well.. fell asleep a couple of times.. Snakes on a Plane was on.. watched it halfway.. and i totally lost interest.. what the fuck was Sam Jackson thinking, man? total fuck up of the year...!
    we actually reached the Malaysian checkpoint at 5am.. but we're only able to check out at 6am.. cause the bloody border only opens at 6am! i dont know WHY? it took another 45 minutes to clear immigration... cause of the queue.. then we stopped at this duty free complex.. hadta wait again for people.. especially the bus driver (who was later given a mouth full by the co-driver) to stock up on liquor and stuff.. then we reach Sadao.. the Thai checkpoint...

    remember i said the Johor checkpoint was like a third world fuck up? well i was wrong.. the Thai checkpoint in Sadao IS totally a third world fuck up..! it looked fucked up.. there was water constantly dripping onto us.. and there's a motherfucking chicken market right next to the complex.. it was just after 6 am... and the bloody place was reeking of death chickens..! you wouldnt believe the smell.. we hadta line up for ages.. cause the line we're in suddenly closed..and no one knew about it.. then we hadta change lines and wait again..

    after clearing the checkpoint... it was another 45 minutes or so to Hat Yai.. everyone knows what Hat Yai is notoriously famous for... no, you naive little bugger.. shopping is just a tiny weenie part of it... its cheap pussy!
    but i never for one expected it to be this bad.. i nearly lost my cool many times..
    actually even before we could clear the Thai immigrations.. this fucktard came up to us offering us girls.. unbelievable..

    as soon as we alighted from the bus.. we're asked to enter the agency's office.. one fucktard named Bancho.. (very recognisable.. dude with only 6 or 8 teeth..) just grabbed the envelope holding out vouchers from Is.. and he started offering us girls.. saying he will arrange the rooms for us and that he could get us another room for a discount and stuff.. i was gettin pissed off.. kept tellin him we'd already bloody booked and pay'd for the rooms.. and we dont need anything else.. we just want to check in.. just give us the fucking vouchers back and we'll go!
    he got the hint, then he said i have transport ready.. we'll take you to the hotel.. oh at last i thought.. but things were just heating up..

    dude starts asking us stuff and all.. keeps telling us about cheap pussy.. he'll arrange for us.. we're in Thailand we havta "enjoy".. saying he has the best (im sure everyone else claims the same).. cant trust anyone else besides him.. they start driving away from the town centre.. things started to get creepy.. he's like taking us to some village..

    Is: dude, where is our hotel?
    Me: I have no idea man.. this doesnt look like the town centre..
    Bancho: I take you go see woman (pronounced woo-man).. you can choose.. you see first.. you dont like never mind..
    Me: no no no! we wanna go to the hotel first.. we're tired.. wanna shower and sleep..
    Bancho: haha! you come thailand you want sleep? come Thailand have fun.. very nice women..
    Van driver: dont worry.. you choose women first.. my women can come to hotel anytime.. you choose.. you sleep.. what time you want you tell me.. my woman can come!
    Is / Me: *trying to be polite* take us to the hotel.. if we want women.. we'll call you later.. we want to check in first
    Van driver: dont worry.. my women very good.. my big brother start business.. this is my women.. very good..
    Bancho: you dont want another room also never mind.. can share-share..
    Van driver: its ok.. you no shy.. my women no shy also.. i take care my women.. they do what i tell..
    Me: dude.. should we just act gay..? should i tell them we're gay? it might work..
    Is: chill man.. he might just take us to the ladyboys..
    Me: motherfuckers! if we want women..we'll call you later.. please just take us to the hotel..
    *after some persuasion dudes get the hint.. and start turning back to the town centre*
    Van driver: this my number.. call me.. i bring you women.. dont trust anyone else.. trust me.. this my brothers women..

    we reach the hotel.. check in.. and Bancho the fucktard followed us to the room.. sat down and still trying to convince us.. still trying to be polite we took his contact card.. told him that we plan to rest and do some shopping.. and we'll call him later.. he finally left.. we never did call...

    The hotel we got was a real bargain.. it was something like 3 stars... it was clean and comfy.. but the best part was it was right smack where the action was.. The Lee Garden Plaza was right next to us.. thats where we got all out fast food from.. all the day and night markets were along the street and around the hotel... 7-11 where we got all our beer from a stone's throw away.. it even had a pool.. which sadly we didnt use.. it was really tempting.. but Is didnt wanna accompany me.. retard!

    I actually had high expectations from Hat Yai.. the last time Is visited.. they got to ride elephants on the street and stuff.. there we're no elephants at all.. i was totally looking forward to buying Chang and Red Bull t-shirts... but all of them didnt have the ones i wanted.. the retro ringer or baseball t' type.. none..! they all had the not so nice normal round next t-shirt.. the ones i already have... and their sizes are totally bollocks.. "M" is like a baby T' and "L" is just too long and wide..! the 2 that i got are kinda weirdly small.. disappointed... but shopping is pretty good.. there are a whole lot of other stuff to get.. what ever you want.. accessories.. bags.. shoes.. electronics.. all for a bargain.. haggle and be firm.. you'll get the price you want.. everything i bought.. was not more than 100 Bath (RM10) each...

    military stuff are so easy to get and they're dirt cheap..! fake guns that look exactly like the real thing.. real guns that fire plastic bullets.. brass knuckles.. shuriken (throwing stars).. knifes... spy cams.. etc.. amazing stuff..

    we had a lot of fast food.. namely McDonalds... Pizza Hut.. Is doesnt like KFC.. weirdo?... i didnt dare go for street food... cleanliness is one thing.. Thai food is good but extremely spicy.. which doesnt do well with me.. there's alot of seafood.. no good with me as well.. the Thais love their pork.. Is doesnt take pork.. i was extremely thankful there was a McD's right next to us..

    One day is enough to go round town... its like a total cowboy town.. tons of tuk-tuks.. bikers everywhere without helmets.. going against traffic.. etc.. buzz only around the markets and mall areas... besides all the brothels and busy hotel rooms.. theres nothin much.. its pretty boring actually... only a handful of pubs.. some of which only open in the evening onwards..

    beer is freakin cheap.. beer haven..! i was practically drinking beer like a fish... after breakfast.. during lunch.. dinner.. supper.. a quart of Heineken was 600+ Bath.. can of Heine' 380 Bath... stuff like Chang.. Singha.. and even San Mig are only 200+ Bath per can.. sweetness!
    the first day we're so happy to see cheap beer.. we grabbed like 2 litres of Heine at 7-11..only to be turned down.. cause you cant buy beer before 5pm..! its so weird man.. no beer before 5pm... i couldnt believe it.. maybe they dont want people getting wasted during office hours? but i never got wasted.. my mission was to get wasted.. not hung over though... but i never did get wasted... i just couldnt feel it..

    We made friends with this tuk-tuk dude.. Surya.. pretty nice fella.. although he did offer to get us women... (everyone in Hat Yai does.. even if your just walkin down the street.. you'll get approached) he wasnt nearly as bad as Bancho the fucktard.. Surya got us tickets for a "Tiger Show"...
    we were in Thailand and the least we could do was check out an authentic Thai cabaret styled show.. at 400 Bath each (including surya's 100 Bath commission) it was alright.. the place wasnt nearly as dodgy as expected.. there was a huge turnout... seeing old horny men is something you'd expect.. but i was surprised to see old women.. and alot of malaysian malay women with head scarfs..! starts out with a typical Thai traditional dance.. then it moves on to sexy dancing.. a freak show.. they pull out razor blades from their poons.. blow horns with poons.. and even work a blowpipe with their poons to burst ballons! and eventually stripping.. at one point this dude came out wearing his undies accompanying a girl... i was like oh no..! not a chippendales show now! the dude did strip and then he started mounting her right there on the stage... literally kamasutra-ing her.. there was a total hush.. it bloody caught everyone by surprise.. it was so quiet.. you could hear a pin drop! the best part was, the dude was the doorman..! right after his performance he was back on duty guarding the door and preparing reserved tables.. bloody hilarious man.. i can still re-call the exact moment and silence.. but it was interesting though.. sick.. kinda.. but its a something you gotta experience...

    Our names kept changing in Thailand.. well mostly mine actually... bloody hilariously awkward.. the first time it happened.. i nearly gave us away..

    Surya: whats you names?
    Is: Jeff..
    Me: *fuck! i was gonna say Jeff!* silent pause for a couple of seconds.. all eyes on me.. John.. im John...
    Surya: ok Jeff.. John..

    Lady Boy: whats your names?
    Is: Jeff..
    Me: *pause* Jimmy..

    Me : *to Is* dude why the fuck cant i come up with better names.. why cant i get away from J's? like david.. kent.. bob.. owen.. etc.. damn! Jimmy is my dead dog..!

    Surya again..
    Surya: i forgot your names..
    Is: Jeff..
    Me: Jimmy... *hheheh.. he really didnt remember*
    ladyboy starts waving and yelling out... bye Jimmy.. while we leave... fuckin hilarious.. was laughing my ass off waving back..

    It was an interesting trip though... cheap.. eye opening.. kinda makes you appreciate the comforts of home.. its difficult to understand the language and even harder to understand the alphabets but the people are nice, friendly, and polite, they even speak understandable english.. but you gotta be tough and firm... would i return to Hat Yai.. well maybe in a bigger group.. maybe to check out the coastal area's of Songkhla.. and definetly to get some weapons..

    Currently Listening To: (Hey Man!) Suffragette City - David Bowie
    Currently Feeling: good...

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