• Thursday, September 29, 2005

    Music Review

    ...why?...cause i can!...

    a'ight, did anyone hear that Too Phat is back with a new album...yeah after all those rumours 'bout joe & malique splitting up and stuff... yeah well, cant blame us can you, since malique was no where to be seen in the country and joe was doing solo gigs although with dj T-Bone... but yeah, the guy's are back and this time with a "bang", a double cd titled Rebirth Into Reality... with 30 songs! massive, very massive!
    im not a huge Too Phat fan, but yeah most of their stuff are alright some preety good even..including some of their malay stuff... Rebirth Into Reality goes the same way as with their previous albums.. incorperating english and malay tracks, featuring local and asian artists, while infusing local elements with hip hop... Rebirth Into Reality is pretty much anticipated,They claim that this album is a reminder of what hip hop is about..
    i'd like to see/hear how much these boys have evolved after being away for sometime now and how they counter other groups that claim to be hip hop oriented, but quite frankly aren't...afterall Too Phat are the ones who revolutionised Hip Hop in Malaysia.. but then there was also Poetic Ammo right?!.. its not right to compare both these groups.. Poetic Ammo was all gangsta and playa like and Too Phat's more of a toned down culture mixer...geeezzz...i dont think that makes sense..but whatever...

    "I forgot to shave after weeks in the studio..i hope it inspires alot of youngsters to keep their "misai" moustach after this!"
    Joe, whats up with that...the new look aint going for you... ya trying to be gangsta but it just aint workin' for ya man! and pls, moustach's died with the 70's yo!

    Did anyone hear 'bout Parking Lot Pimp ...? they used to be known as Urban Xchange.. i feel they were better then..now with the name change and stuff it just aint the same.. something seems to be missing with their songs.. the x-factor, what ever that may be... again, another example of a group claiming to be hip hop but listen to 'em.. i think its as far away as it gets from hip hop...more like pop with some rap..

    and now towards Jazz, yo...

    Im waiting in anticipation for Jamie Cullum's latest album "Catching Tales" due out in a couple of weeks!
    Jamie's second album "Twentysomething" was bangin'.. it's hard not too like all the songs in the album... very rarely i come across albums where all the songs are good to listen to!... Im hoping it's the same with Jamie's 3rd album...

    Someone told me that there's a shop somewhere behind jusco selling dirt cheap trance cd's... 3 cd's for RM10!! thats muthafriggin' cheap! yeah its the pirated shit but who gives... i'll havta go search for the place one of this days.. hope to find some Tiesto, Paul Van Dyk's POD2 (politics of dancing) and Armin Van Buuren's State of Trance... i hope its trance for real and not those cheap "fengtau" techno shit..! if not that someone's gonna pay big time...

    a'ight thats it... today's music review was brought to you by Paradoxx.... for reasons unknown...

    Currently Listening To: Journey - Pop Shuvit
    Currently Feeling: ok

    Sunday, September 25, 2005

    Supper

    Raisin toast-em's & Nestle X-choc ice cream....


    'nough said....


    Currently Listening To: Seven days in sunny june - Jamiroquai
    Currently Feeling: Like shaving

    Saturday, September 24, 2005

    KLG Fried Lame Chicken

    just got back from supper...out of no where just decided to check out this new fast food restaurant called KLG...ala KFC.... i've never heard of the brand name KLG before, but somehow very suddently its been popping up like mushrooms almost everywhere in ipoh... heard that it's a taiwanese brand, heck! it could just be a local rip off idea from some of our "creative" malaysians... we just wanted to try it out to see how well it stood up to KFC... unfortunately nothing good can be said, from my point of view anyway....

    This is the biggest KLG outlet in ipoh *i think*....dont know the name of the street, but its by the side of excelsior hotel...

    12 something A.M. and we were the only 4 people at the outlet...super lame, man! to me it just felt like some "gerai" stall...didnt have the fastfood feeling and atmosphere... The KFC outlet which is located about 300 meters away is definitely livelier even after midnight...

    the menu's kinda dodgy...there aint much choices...although there's set meal's called "happy set meal" to choose from... i opted for meal no.4 (RM9.00+) which consisted of 3pc's of chicken, 2 buns, and a drink... crappy, cause there weren't any coleslaw and mash potatoes!!..... what the...?!!, i thought y'all were rippin' off KFC?

    the chickens, burgers, buns etc are served in wooden baskets...weird? i dont know... as can be seen, the fried chicken looks very pale and "lifeless".....yeah it was juicy...juicy with oil..... the bun's suck... i love those buttered buns from KFC... they're like second to none... for the same price i could have got a better meal, although without a drink at KFC....

    the chicken's pale....tasteless...the skin is crispy but tastes flat... its as if they dont have their secret herbs & spices seasoning... its a terrible let down... there's a bottle on the table containing some powder to be sprinkled on the chicken... dont know what it is.... i think its ajinomoto (msg), someone said its pepper.... it didn't make much difference even after sprinkling the secret powder...

    will i ever go back to KLG?.................... i dont think so.... KFC is way better..... the prices of KLG dont justify its quality, taste, and satisfaction... total letdown...the restaurant atmosphere sucks big time!........ i wouldnt recommend it....

    Curently Listening To: Outta Control - 50 Cent feat. Mobb Deep

    Wednesday, September 21, 2005

    Cinderella Man

    During the Great Depression, a common-man hero, James J. Braddock a.k.a. the Cinderella Man was to become one of the most surprising sports legends in history. By the early 1930s, the impoverished ex-prizefighter was seemingly as broken-down, beaten-up and out-of-luck as much of the rest of the American populace who had hit rock bottom. His career appeared to be finished, he was unable to pay the bills, due to the great depression. The only thing that mattered to him was his family who were in danger, and he was even forced to go on Public Relief, reluctantly. But deep inside, Jim Braddock never relinquished his determination. Driven by love, honor and an incredible dose of grit, he willed an impossible dream to come true. In a last chance bid to help his family, Braddock returned to the ring. No one thought he had a shot. However Braddock, fueled by something beyond mere competition, kept winning. Suddenly, the ordinary working man became the mythic athlete. Carrying the hopes and dreams of the disenfranchised on his shoulders, Braddock rocketed through the ranks, until this underdog chose to do the unthinkable: take on the heavyweight champ of the world, the unstoppable Max Baer(renowned for having killed two men in the ring) and win with all glory...

    If y'all havent already watched this movie..get your asses up and go watch it!!! its a lil slow at times but dont fall a sleep cause its one hell of an awesome movie.. Russell Crowe is awesome, Renee Zellweger is good in her supporting role...the story line is awesome, the fight scenes are bloody awesome...the set is awesome, totally re created the 1930's.. its a movie of hope and determination...this is one true story that's been perfectly re-enacted..tremendously moving..

    i'd give it 10 out of 10 stars...

    Run fucker run....

    i nearly became a hero today...i could have... but no, i didnt.. i was at the right place at the right time..come to think of it, it was like i was destined to be there.. does it make any sense..i dont know.. anyhows the events leading to the "hero making" incident happens as follows...
    I went to Jusco, for a bit of shopping earlier in the evening... so hanged around for a while, shopped and all.. driving down my car from the rooftop, then instead of goin out from the rear exit i decided to take the middle exit (as to head back to canning gardens)...
    as i was heading to the exit...right in front of me...i saw this dumb fuck malay guy running from Deli France towards the emergency exit door (next to Levis shop)..apparently he'd snatched someones handbag...saw him heading towards me and then pass by me (i was right infront of where he'd just come out from), shortly after the lady/girl whose handbag he'd snatch came running out.. i was like woah! if only i was out of the car i'd bring him down... so i headed for the exit.. saw this punjabi man kinda chasing the thief...there was a car right at the exit, and the driver just stopped, i was hoping he'd knock down the fucker atlease... but he didnt..the fucking bastard ran across the road..i dont know if it was his lucky day or what but there weren't any cars at all...imagine that, jusco main road was empty at 5pm!...thought to myself what the hell, i might as well try to knock him down.. missed him by a few seconds.. damn! he jumped over to the housing estate, could still see him running though.. so if only i'd acted faster, could have kicked some ass today and be labelled a HERO... hahahaaa what ever hope he gets knocked down by a car or better still a truck next time, and squash his brain!!!...the look on his face is still playing in my head...he was just running without a fuckin care for shits...i bet if anyone of us would have caught him, he'll get the shits kicked out of him..i would have surely kicked his spectacles right into his face...
    all the snatch thefts i've witnessed, this was the closest....i wish i had a short gun! to keep in the car...seriously...how cool would that be?

    alright...has anyone ever noticed..its getting harder to find decent Nike stuff over here..im not too sure bout kay-el..but ipoh is terrible...penang is ok..but ipoh is a dumping ground for outdated stuff.. i went looking for new Nike shoes.. very dissapointed... can you imagine, the Nike shop at Parade still sells Nike Presto for over RM300! couldnt even find new Nike Cortez (for guys), no decent Nike Shox... lost all hope of even finding Nike 6.0! saw a pair of puma shoes.. which i feel is way cool..but im not too sure if it'd be durable for running....

    RockStar Inxs ended today...freakin weird man! it was on for 13 weeks.. how fast did time go by man.. it doenst feel like 13 weeks.. Suzie (the chick with the awesome voice) was sent home last week.. what to do eh...Inxs wants a male lead singer.. unfortunately...anyhows the final 3 was down to Mig, JD, and Marty... with JD and Marty being chosen as the final 2... JD won the competition and became the lead singer of Inxs..yeah mate! I never wanted JD to win..but i havta admit, he's the better singer, he has a good voice..old school type..think Elvis, etc..he's a good stage performer...although i still think he's full of bullshit... but seriously cant deny his singing.. Marty on the other hand was too confident on winning i suppose, but seriously his grunge vocals style doesnt suit Inxs...
    Inxs's latest album is due out early november.. i might just get it because of JD's vocals, oh well actually might just download it via limewire...cause like i mentioned before im not a fan of Inxs, i dont like their old school material, and that electronic rock sound...gross! maybe they'll go in a different direction this time, im sure JD's "Preety Vegas" single will be in the album...
    so anyhows hero or no hero...yeah shit happens...you never expect it..who would have thought being a victim of snatch theft at Deli france in Jusco?!.... jusco has to beef up their friggin security...and women gotta learn to be more careful and stop lugging around huge handbags and and leaving in on chairs, unattended n stuff....well i still wish i'd run down the fuckin bastard!
    Currently Listening To : Man or Animal - Audioslave
    Currently Feeling : Like running down a fuckin bastard with my car

    Saturday, September 17, 2005

    7

    Seven things you plan to do before you die:
    1.Repay my parents
    2.Ensure my Beetle is not sold
    3.Travel around the world, visit relatives & stuff
    4.Experience Disneyland
    5.Make a million
    6.Start a charity/welfare home for the unfortunate
    7.Make sure i state "cremate" and not "bury" in my will

    Seven things I could do:
    1.Get in shape, excercise more
    2.Find a job
    3.Dreadlocks
    4.Experiment with narcotics
    5.Holiday in Brisbane / San Fran
    6.Buy more Nike Cortez's
    7.Play golf

    Seven Celebrity crushes:
    1.Charlize Therone
    2.VJ Amanda
    3.Caroline Dhavernas
    4.Lindsay Lohan
    5.Cant
    6.Think of
    7.Anymore

    Seven often repeated words:
    1.Fuck / Fucker
    2.Dumb fuck
    3.Mother....
    4.Son of a....
    5.Pantat
    6.Cheebai
    7.Jo

    Seven physical traits I look for in the opposite sex:
    1.Not taller then me
    2.Nice hair
    3.Good skin
    4.Good Teeth
    ...doesn't apply i know..but what ever....
    5.Good ethics & manners
    6.Good language skills, english pls!
    7.Not too high maintenance

    Tagged by Lainie

    Currently listening to : So Little Time - Arkarna
    Currently Feeling : Bemused

    Wednesday, September 14, 2005

    Got up early today, as to watch Rockstar INXS...It's the final 4...and yeah baby! they're rockin'... Suzie's performance was awesomely excellent...Marty's was excellent as well..but i kinda have this feelin'..dont know if its just me, Suzie might be kicked out tomorrow...or it could just be Mig... That guy has never been in the bottom 3 before...oh! its hard man... they're all good...the competition's very very very tough...I'd want JD to leave though..i dont like his cockiness and *think* i can see thru his bullshit..



    Actually i was more lookin' forward to 12pm... The School of Rock was on HBO... yes dude! i've already watched the movie before...but hell yeah! i just love that movie... Jack black is awesome, the movie's faarrnneee... or should i just say the movie rocks?! Im sure most of y'all have watched the movie before so im not going to get into that... if you havent...are you friggin' retarded, man? I give this movie an A+ with 10 gold stars ;)


    "Give up, just quit, because in this life, you can't win. Yeah, you can try, but in the end you're just gonna lose, big time, because the world is run by the Man. The Man? oh, you don't know the Man. He's everywhere. In the White House... down the hall... Ms. Mullins, she's the Man. And the Man ruined the ozone, he's burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank! And there used to be a way to stick it to the Man. It was called rock 'n roll, but guess what, oh no, the Man ruined that, too, with a little thing called MTV! So don't waste your time trying to make anything cool or pure or awesome 'cause the Man is just gonna call you a fat washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourselves a favor and just GIVE UP!"

    Was planning to go out shopping earlier in the evening..actually to pay some bills and then shopping...but some bloody how i managed to cut myself on the neck while shaving...its just a small lil nick but it didnt stop bleeding... i tried everything, from iced water, to sting sauce (aftershave), to wet tissues...but it didnt wanna dry off in time..i even sat in the car and i didnt stop bleeding... aarrggghh! had to call off 'em plans...why is shaving always soo tough for guys..i hate shaving, but i hate a messy feeling face aswell..my facial hair grows back in 24hrs..crap man!
    just eat & watched the tele after that.. bloody repeat of The Simpsons...very dissapointing...
    Had a BigMac (is the big mac getting smaller, or is it just me?) & apple pie for dinner..y'know what...when i removed the apple pie from the packaging, the pie clearly looked like someone had bitten the side off..kid you not! and it was cold... could have gone back to McD's and made a big deal out of it...but i was too lazy too drive back all the way..besides i just gave them the benefit of the doubt, that some dumb ass staff of theirs might have broken the pie while packing it, and thought no one would notice their cover up...

    In the words of AC/DC: We roll tonight... to the guitar bite... and for those about to rock... I salute you.

    rock on and stick it to THE Man!

    Currently Listening To : Tribute - Tenacious-D
    Currently Feeling : Hot

    Tuesday, September 13, 2005

    Beef Pie

    Decided to have a beef pie for dinner today...Had to write about it, cause i'm telling y'all its the best beef pie in Ipoh...and maybe even Malaysia...! Trust me i've tried beef pie's in many places and nothing even comes close to this...except the ones in Australia..but well thats a different story all together..anyhows i've been buying this particular beef pie for years from the same place, and it has always never let me down...

    As you can see, the pie is accompanied with coleslaw... the coleslaw really compliments the pie...the only thing missing is a generous portion of mash potatoes! *im a potato freak i admit it..especially mash.. :)* and maybe some mashed green peas, if you fancy... but im not a green pea fan though...

    The pie is very simple..the dough is awesome..buttery and just the right consistency (not too light or too heavy)..Its filled with brown sauce, tender carrot slices, and *mouth watering* tender beef cubes.. the beef is THE real thing! unlike other places eg:- dave's deli..where the beef is all crapped up!

    The best beef pie around, this city/country hands down!... i've had a guy from france, a cousin from ireland, and a few other joe's who swear by it!

    Saturday, September 10, 2005

    I decided to get my ear re-pierced...finally...I used to have 3 piercings on my left ear...2 on the lobe..and 1 on the helix... huh? what the...? helix? ok if you're wondering the helix is the outer ring of the ear... but unfortunately since i was in the managerial level in the food n beverage line i had to remove all of it...the skin on the helix piercing has since regrown but the hole in the cartilage can still be felt..
    So anyhows, i went to Ipoh Parade...my instincts told me, yeah! i would be able to get some decent piercings over there..besides someone suggested i try out this shop called Green Apple, sometime ago...So yeah! i remember Green Apple or something to that name nearby the Levis shop...but damn! i was dumbfucked to find that Green Apple was closed down...great but nevermind i thought i'd just walk around there's bound to be ATLEASE another shop that offers piercings...dumbfucked again i was to discover that one cant get piercings at Ipoh Parade!!!!
    Pissed that i'd wasted my time i headed back home...wondering what the fuck is wrong with this city? and Ipoh Parade's supposed to be a freakin mall? god! lame! lame!! laaammmmeeee!!!!

    The next day though, i went to this place called Yik Foong Complex..some old skool shoppin complex in town...something like a mini Sungei Wang...I went to Revival... tattoo & piercing studio... the name says it all..so im going to the right place i thought..but....dammit! the bloody place was closed..every single time closed..call for appointment the sign said..."ma chee bai"...thats all i could say...
    So i took a walk around the complex...i dont like that place cause its preety dodgy...we used to hang out there, in the arcades and stuff during our high school days...but what would you know...there were many shops offering piercings..to my surprise the shop where i got my helix pierced a few years back was still around... and it only cost me RM 4.50 for the piercing... happy...
    I couldnt find the "ear jewelry" i was looking for in the shop..so a walk again i took..finally just decided to walk into this shop i had passed earlier..and to my delight they had everything i was looking for...god! this dodgy place is way better then Ipoh Parade!...i got the "ear jewelry" i wanted..the ones that look like watch batteries...it was RM19 per piece but i managed to get it for RM16... i dont know, i think its a bit pricy...i've never bought stuff like this before...but hey! its exactly what i wanted...so i dont mind..

    Im contemplating getting my helix re-pierced next...maybe get an industrial styled piercing..where it goes thru 2 piercings across the helix...or maybe just a normal one..we'll see..

    I went out for dinner with my dad and bro tonight...my treat :)...am i a good son or what.. haha! i wanted to check out Itali Mia.. this newly opened italian restaurant..but didnt wanna drive all the way to Sunway City... I decided on Movenpeak.. thought of ostrich and fish & chips.. what the...you eating fish?? haha! yeah! im trying to, slowly.. but my dad had other plans... he'd rather have pizza instead.. i was like what ever jo, i just need to eat...

    We went to the Pizza Hut in town..i looks kinda cool and all but the atmosphere still feels fast foodish..although PH is table service.. its still too bright.. noisy.. not exactly my cup of tea.. i'd prefer somewhere quieter..darker.. alfresco preferbly... Ordered Hawaiian Chic, Pepeproni & Cheese, Super Supreme....Couldnt finish we had to "ta pau"...my borther was acting like a wuss, only ate 1 slice.. he was saving up for the "tani" drinking sessions at someones party he'd be going to later..

    Im sitting here now in my room..feeling like a blimp....the blinds are up..the windows are open...its quiet..i see the dark sky with a cresent shaped moon...its a beautiful night...Liverpool's playing the Spurs tonight...Go Go Reds!

    *While walking to Pizza Hut, passed this young indian kid sitting by the side walk..thought he was waiting for someone..then i noticed he was barefooted.... I felt extremely sorry..that while everyone is walking past "enjoying" there in the middle of it all is this unfortunate kid... i wanted to hand him some cash, but i was thinking twice whether it'd actually help him...or if he'd misuse it or give it to his parents/guardians whoever who'd then misuse it for drugs..booze etc...i dont know, i could be wrong.. I feel sad, guilty even that there's still people living like that, especially kids.. i've always wish i could do something..but money doesnt always help...
    We may never have enough but we should be extremely fortunate to be who we are and for the things we have now! *

    Wednesday, September 07, 2005

    where do i start...eerrmm how the hell do i start...!
    i've been holding back all those feelings...thoughts...emotions... i wonder everytime..laugh at myself...wondering...am i cursed? what in god's name have i done to receive all these "blessings"... am i some kinda puppet stuck in between some challenge god and satan are up against...just like how Job (from the bible) suffered...the bloody guy did nothing but worship god and in return suffered hell on earth..yeah..eventually he got back everything he lost and stuff...but to me it just aint the same...it aint fair!...
    heck! im lucky, im not suffering like how job did...but still life has been extremely bad this year...i dont know if its just me...but ever since i turned 22..actually 2 days before my birthday things totally changed 360 degrees... crap after bloody crap has been happening...I literally lost everything...my will on life was zero..i decided to just go along with it till the end of the year...make a move in 2006 where hopefully things would turn out better...The only thing that kept me "alive"...was my girlfriend...she was more than that...she was the best thing that ever happened in my life..she was my best friend...she was the only one i looked forward to every single day! i was going thru life cause i knew she was there for me, i felt kinda secure, the only one that i could talk to, the only one who made me feel i was loved, the only one i trusted..

    just when i thought life couldnt get any worst...the only person that meant the world to me...the person my life revolved around for 5 years, said "she's lost all feelings" for me....five years of everything just ended with a short phonecall... with those dreaded words "can we just be friends?" Its been almost a month, and i still find it hard to believe..am i having the biggest motherfucking nightmare, and when i wake up it'd be jan 2005? oh! how i wish!...i never ever thought it'd come down to this, 5 years..all the plans...knowing each others family's...everything to look forward to...

    I can't blame her... i cant say im not mad but im soo freakin sad as well...it hurts soo much.. "can we just be friends" i never thought..i would have bet my life that i'd never hear those words from her..but damn! whats up with girls and that phrase? i dont wanna dissapear from her life, but damn it, i dont think i can go thru being friends...how goddamn awkward will that be?...not because im mad but because of the emotions involved..
    i've always been there for her..i've always tried my best...although i havent been physically there in penang this whole time...its never been easy for me, every single day i wish i was there with her...circumstances just wouldnt allow me to then...she meant the world to me, i would have given my life for her...i still would now to protect her!
    There were unperfect times..nothing's always good..but its part of the relationship..thats what makes us human..imperfections...we knew the challenges and limitations of the relationship...thats the risk we took...i know it was getting to her...but atlease she could have told me earlier..we could have talked and worked things out...
    Ive got alot of regrets in life...and i suppose this is one of the biggest...no point regretting the changes i could have made all this while...i admit i was ignorant..i thought shit would never turn out like it..

    It saddens me...knowing she's lost of feelings and emotions for me...
    i was starting to irritate her...she didnt like me complaining...the only one i had to complain to, wouldnt anyone complain when life serves you shit?...i complained too much and i wasnt doing anything to fix the shit that happened... i had things planned, i wanted to act against coffee bean but i just didnt have the backup i needed...i seemed slow in finding another job...cause im looking for a career and not just a job..and maybe i wanted to experience how life was before i ever got into the job market...i had a near career burnout and i suppose im being more cautious on finding the right job...
    i felt shit kept happening to me, cause ive never experienced prolonged shit like this before...maybe i was wrong for wanting sympaty on what i felt was like a pathethic year.... I planned to move to penang next year..it didnt matter if i got paid jack shit, all i was thinking bout was being close to her, and making her happy..giving her what she was deprived of...well nothing matters now...
    It pisses me off that shes lost all feelings...she doenst give jack shit anymore.. i just dont understand how? im sorry...but i dont...im not completely blaming her for what happened..i cant do that...im the bastard thats to blame as well... oh well! "blessing"?...maybe she didnt want a looser...someone who has lost track in life and wasnt doing anything bout it..

    I dont know how to face her parents...i feel like i let them down...i loved penang but i dont know if i can control my emotions going back there...i've been wanting to call her mom & dad up but i dont know what to say...to her brother - im sorry guy, i always thought of you as my younger bro...i hope y'all aint mad at me and that
    we can still keep in touch..thank you! for accepting me as part of the family...for who i was.. for taking me to church..the only time i enjoyed church sessions..no kidding!
    I havent told my parents...i dont know how to tell them...im living a lie infront of them everyday...i cant say she dumped me...but i feel they know something's up between us...i just havta keep living a lie in front of them untill i figure out how to break the news to them..

    I thought there was still hope..even maybe just a tiny bit..but i guess i was wrong...she doesnt wanna give me false hopes..there's no second chance! i gotta let it go! how? i dont know! everything reminds me of her..everywhere i look.. the clothes..the eau de toilette sprays...the gifts...the photos..
    all those memories..the good times..the holidays..those are most painful...
    I really hope theres no other guy in her life now... i dont think i can love the same again...im not looking forward to anything..

    I pray for a change for the better..but i've been kept feeling like i mean nothing..there's no point for prayers..hope..faith...if god hasnt forsaken me...i want everything good i had back... i dont wanna be a millionaire...i just dont wanna feel like a pathethic looser and keep living a lie..cause i aint glad to be alive right now.. whats my purpose here? i dont wanna be one of those who live to suffer and just die with nothing...im trying to help myself, to get back to where i was...money, job position/title, respect and all that..but shit just aint happening... im not happy bumming around feeling like a looser living a lie! as much as i want to believe that "my time will come" i cant...everything seems like bullshit...faith..believes..religion...all jack shit!

    im sorry mel, for everything i did to cause this to happen to us...i could have made better all those years...i could have been there more..im sorry for being too ignorant..i've lost the person that means the world to me and theres nothing i can do about it...im just soo sorry...i dont know what to hope..what to think.. but i wanna always be there for you...i'll cherish those days..as hard as it seems but i will...i will never forget dec8 2000...march6 2004..and tragically aug 14 2005..