• Thursday, July 07, 2005

    All Those Yesterdays

    This past few days, i've been thinkin' bout all those yesterdays...My younger days..my childhood days..where has it all gone to now, what had become of all those memories?.... I've been askin' myself...

    Its weird, its awesome, it's sad.words just cant seem to describe how fast time has gone by...how fast i've moved and changed even...I feel i've changed for the better, but im sure some dont feel that way about me...heck!

    What has happened to all those days...THE days....when there were no worries...friends were everywhere...family was closer *cousins and aunts and etc*.... I only have a limited amount of memories from the past...All of 22 years of my life and I cant recollect everything that has happened before...the good, the bad, and the ugly times.....Its sad, I know...I hated takin' pictures, so there aint much of those from the past either....Truely regretable!

    I've been wondering what had happened to all those guys, hundreds of 'em from primary and secondary school...I dont see any of those familiar faces in this city anymore...But its surprising when we actually bump into each other, we easily reconise one another...be it friends, enemies, or the fat/nerdy guys we used to bully..we havent changed (much) we still reconise those "baby faces" and the good times we used to have....

    I miss soo many things from the past...I miss the 80's and early 90's....but some are just pure regrets...things i could have done better..people i could have spent more time with....those kinda stuff..

    I deeply miss my grandma *mom's mom* who brought us up...we spent most of our time with her cause my parents were at work...she was the best lady around! She took care of us like prince's, always there for us no matter what...she cooked the best food ever! and suddently she became ill and left us in year 2000...tragic! cause she never once looked like she was over 70....
    I had faith in God, that he wouldnt take her that soon...but it didnt turn out that way...She left and I didnt get to say goodbye!...its been 5 years now but her memory still lingers..i miss her lots!
    Grandma's house is being rented out now...I havent steped into that place for years now...I wish I could go in, just for once to relive those memories...I pass by it everyday, the tree we used to play on is gone, but the memories are still there!

    My dad's parents lived in a small town bout 30 mins away from the city....I miss hangin out there..used to visit 'em often when we're younger but as the years went by, my visits weren't very frequent...It was a big house and it was just awesome when the extended family would gather...Grandpa passed away in '97....tragic! as well cause dad and I had just visited him the night before, he left us the following morning...If you'd saw him, you'd think he'll life forever..it was a shock to everyone! I miss seeing him, we werent that close, he was the quiet type but I know he loved us! My dads mom just passed away early this year...so now theres no reason for us to visit that place anymore...you see! how time changes things...

    I miss all my friends/playground buddies....those younger...those elder...everyone! I have no idea where everyone is...I miss those days when we were soo active..I miss being fit...I miss being able to play sports, hockey esp for hours without feelin' tired...i miss cycling for miles only to discover new "hidden" places...I miss lookin' for drain fishes....and frogs..
    What has happened to all those childhood games? Pepsicola.....Hopscotch...."kala jenking"...police & thieves, "popiah" or dodgeball....then there was kite season...."gasing" *top* season...."guli" *marbles* season.....We could play every damn thing...rounders, basketball! I loved that game! used to play with guys twice my age, cause I was good... The playground we used to play in is "gone" now..taken over and fenced up by a nursery school...a new building now stands on the basketball court....fuck!
    we could run, we could jump, we could ride, we could fall and bleed like hell...it was all good!
    But now I cant even run 100m...I havent cycled in years...im patheticly unfit, i've lost too much of weight...and im not even on weed or "ice"...darn! I used to be big for my age before, now those joe's i used to know/some i used to bully have overgrown me! so unfair!
    kids nowadays prefer their nintendo's and PS's...crap! nerds! get a life! dont regret it laters..
    I miss all those glorious food from before...how i used to enjoy seafood! now I shiver when I smell seafood..yucks! grandma's wholesome home cooked meals...no one actually bothered to learn from her! I've been longin for coalfire "char koay teow" for years now, but the old man who used to sell it has disappeared..so has the aunty that used to sell charsiew chicken noodles and the one who used to sell "wan tan mee" both on a 3 wheeled bicycle...all disappeared! We used to wait every evening for the roti man *bread man* to buy snacks (junk food actually)....I dont see "tora" or "din-dang" boxes anymore...heck wheres the roti man now?! what has happened to 25cents maggie mee *instant noodles*, 10 cent chocolates, 20 cents keropok *crackers*, 20 cents ais potong....??
    Cousins I grew up with, some lived in grandma's place for awhile...havent seen 'em in years...most married, with kids even...God, knows what they're up to now...Miss the family gathering during festive seasons...the crowd...the food...the gifts...the fire crackers..the noise...
    i dont see all those ever happening again!
    Best friends/childhood buddies are no more....The one I've known since 1st grade cant look me in the eye, hasnt been talkin to me...i've changed it seems.... I guess he doesnt realise how much he has changed....anyhows I still miss the time we had, together with his brothers...
    lesson learned : never employ friends/family to work for you! people expect to be treated differently...Younger days...Yeah! no prob....when you're older and responsible for something, work comes first! second you're my friend but still my employee, we can life like we used to outside of work.
    People dont understand that...he for one sure didnt get it...maybe his mentality was still stuck 10 years behind..i'll never know....15 years of friendship missing, but I guess ill still say "hi" if I meet him...that just me!
    I still have to carry on...everyone does! just hope the memories still linger....Time changes everything, at an even faster pace now..we cant help it...everything's for the good! Theres alot more I could and want to change for the better...my health for instance....my career has to get back on track...looks like i have to leave this city I grew up in...everyone has, its time for me as well...
    Im more confident, Im stronger mentally and spititually, Im knowledable.....I've met a whole load of people...everyone imaginable....regular joe's to vip's....mostly older than me...some have become friends, some just acquantainces, some for business and contacts.
    None of this would have happened if i didnt change from the shy boy I used to be...I still have a great family who loves me and has provided me with much, I have a girlfriend who sincerely loves and cares 'bout me...I have faith that better things, great even are eventually to come..just have to start cherishing what ever thats left while it lasts!
    But I still miss all those yesterdays! If only i could go back in time just for a day!


    Anonymous ur other half said...

    Too bad i wasn't in your yesterdays huh.... then u won't be missing much... :)

    9:39 AM  

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