• Monday, June 27, 2005

    loose

    Its almost 2am....i dont feel like going to sleep....just yet anyway...It's quiet, its peaceful, i feel at ease, except for my dogs barkin now & then at God knows what and that bloody mosquito flying 'round me....sqqquuaaassshhh!!!
    I seem to be able to stay up late, ever since i quit my job but i just cant seem to to get out of bed early....early not as in 6 or 7 am, 9am is pretty sufficient enough....Every morning my day starts at 'bout 11am...which pretty much sucks!
    For the past hour, i've been reading some blogs, checked my mails...the usual, nothin to reply, just plenty of spam to delete....arrggghh!! Played some pool @ Yahoo! Games....won some then started loosin' which made me just wanna quit!!
    I know its been an hour cause the Benny Benassi album *all 17 tracks* i've been listening to stopped....Track 1 is starting to play again.....* i think i'll keep it goin'..the bass will keep me awake*
    Pool is exactly just like...life....there's good days and there's bad days....one moment you're the "pool king" *so you think* and the next you start loosin' every single game and precious points, which is sooo depressing just like life....Depressing only when you start loosin' otherwise life is helluva nice, so i think so...
    Im down to track 7 now....im not actually paying any attention to the music, its just playin' softly in the background...The thing with Benny Benassi is that all 17 tracks sound the same....they carry the same musical theme thru all the tracks...
    Anyways, atlease they know where they're heading...as for me im still lost...i dont know where im heading, what life holds for me, whats in store for the future, the whole works.....you know....
    As much as i wanna take things easy, which i am pretty much doin now...i know i still have high expectations on life and whats it got stored for me....i dont want anything less than the best for me...second best will not do....! Almost 3 months since i left my job....almost the end of june....i havent done anything great..havent achieved anything....
    I have all the time in the world now, but i dont know what to do with it, what to make of it....freakin weird man...when you dont have the time, you seem to have tons to do and here i am with precious time but nothin' to do....arrgghhh!!
    • I could be working out, carrying weights at home atlease...but i dont do it
    • I could go for daily jogs....which would do me good....but i dont do it
    • I havent changed my identification card to the "smart" mykad.....it still spots a black & white pic *for those who know, you know how old that is*
    • I could wash my cars, which was last washed bout a month ago.....but i dont do it
    • I could clean my room...oh! the dust!...but i dont do it
    • I could install a tv and my playstation in the room...but i dont do it
    You see...it's soo ironic, this life of mine.......why cant i get to doing all those stuff....
    my body is so out of shape *not to mention my life*.....i feel like im rotting away..i feel older than i should be....i feel sick....i dont know if im currently gettin a flu...hates it! hates it! my right nostril isnt functioning at the moment.....ironically i dont smoke, and only drink occasionally..when out with a group of peepz, which doesnt happen often...
    God! enough of this self pitty..actually wait im not pittying myself..........i just dont know what to make out of this situation.....i sincerely believe everything happens for a reason, but i really want everything to be good if not awesome again....
    I think ill stop.....i dont know what im writting about...this music isn't makin' any sense anymore..i dont think im makin' any sense myself...i better just hit the sack....

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